Monday, August 31, 2009

Welcome to Los Angeles September

It's Monday and the last day of August. I want to say that I'm going to take the beginning of the new month and the beginning of my new job tomorrow as a clean slate and a fresh start but the problem is I don't know how I got here. The indirection in my career seemed to happen while I wasn't looking and the drive and focus that I once maintained so effortlessly to stay in shape and stay healthy seems now a continuous struggle. I've always had a roller coaster relationship with sleep ever since I can remember, if I sleep well for a few months than I won't sleep well for the few after that. The past week I dove back into the land of insomnia and I absolutely hate it's repercussions. When I was in high school and even my first year or two in LA, not sleeping became natural although I knew very well that it wasn't but I didn't feel its affects. I could sleep an hour or two a night, work all day, party all night and I felt like this amazing machine that couldn't be stopped by a silly thing like lack of rest but perhaps that's what happens when we get older. I feel like even when my eyes are closed, my mind is still running a mile a minute and its hard not to think as the hours go by that you should be sleeping as the sun comes up slowly in between your spurts of drifting in and out. My friends used to wonder where I found the time to work on so many creative outlets during high school and I feel like I owe it all to my lack of sleeping. During the night, it was quiet, it was dark and you feel like not only are you alone but your thoughts feel more free.

I spent some nights writing for hours or working on scripts or story lines, watching movie after movie after movie, going on my lawn with my telescope and stargazing, I miss the person that I used to be because although I knew it wasn't healthy and I couldn't be like that forever, I felt like I was always so stimulated. I feel like I use this word frequently, I have a philosophy on life that we should all be stimulated. I think our jobs should do so, I think our hobbies and passions should do so, our relationships and friendships should and if we are lucky than we can open ourselves up to allowing everything we take in, perceive, enjoy or detest to stimulate us. I feel like stimulation has to go somewhere, to me it goes into everything I accomplish, everything that I like about myself, it's what goes into my writing, my photography or even something as small as my daydreams.

I would say I'm pretty much back to square one and not at all where I wanted to be with my job or my routine in life but I think since I've found a very happy place of being positive, open minded and taking the stimulation from all the beautiful things in this world than I can put that into getting that drive and routine back and fixing the pieces of my life that aren't where I want them to be.
In conclusion, It's easy to complain about the things that used to be better, that aren't where you want them to be now but when I think back on a few years ago and when things seemingly were better in those departments, I realize how much more analytical, worried, stressed and generally unhappy I was and to find myself almost every hour of the day being happy lately even with heavy eyes a delirious doesn't seem that bad to be back to square one. Change is good and having a goal is good so here we go....fresh slate, Welcome to Los Angeles September....we are one hell of a town.

Ze Crepe Place-

Friends in my bedroom...these hot summer days

Song of the day: Celine Dion- Le vol d'un ange

Abigail Frank~

No comments:

Post a Comment